I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
