No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Less talking, more tequila
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
