well I can't set my house on fire every night
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
