I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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