I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
