I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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