Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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