FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
