How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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