Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
