My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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