I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
