i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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