she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
