Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
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Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
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He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
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