I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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