I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
