break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
