I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
