i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
