Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
