I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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