Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
