Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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