His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Still dying that you shit outside
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
