Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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