I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
