Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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