I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
