i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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