mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
