guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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