I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
