She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
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Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
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She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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