I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
