You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
