its not stalking. its research.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
