Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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