Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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