she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
