Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
mondays should just be called national damage control day
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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