I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
