i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
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I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
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Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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