so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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