No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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