Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
