I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
