there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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