I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize