The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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