I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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