i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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