think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
