She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My vagina is very pro this idea
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
You left your phone here
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