I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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