im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
