My vagina just recognized that song.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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