Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
