my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
