"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
