Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
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Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
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Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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