I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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