I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
