I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
