real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
he wants to bone in the snuggie
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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